Harris: Love Your Money and Your Honey

By Charlestien Harris

It’s February, and love is in the air! It is not impossible to entertain the idea that you can love your money with your honey. Historically, statistics state that money is one of the top reasons most couples fight and can end a marriage. Your love and your marriage can survive if you know how to talk to your honey about your money. 

Handling money in a marriage can be difficult, but you can use some simple techniques to navigate this love affair with your money and come out on top. Learning how to discuss the topic of money can be enlightening and fun at the same time. One thing you can do before you start the conversation with your honey is to write your individual money stories, then read them to each other. Knowing how he or she feels about money can help you both understand each other and also help to break the ice when starting the sometimes-dreaded conversation. 

Here are a few questions you can ask each other to lighten up the conversation a bit.

1. When is a good time to discuss our spending plan?
   When discussing financial plans, choose a neutral location and try to have a one-on-one meeting without any distractions or others present who could influence your discussion and decisions. Don’t wait until there is a problem with money to discuss a plan. Choosing the right time and place for money discussions ensures a non-confrontational and supportive environment to tackle what could be a sensitive topic for you or your partner. You both need to write down your ideas about how to create this plan and work together to come to some agreement on a plan that will work for both parties involved.
2. What is your money story?
   A money story is a summary of yours and your partner’s past experiences when it comes to handling money. Learning about those experiences can help you gain a new perspective on how and why your partner handles money the way they do. It can help you understand their spending habits, why they can’t seem to save while you can, and what goals you have in common or on which you differ. These are just starter questions, but if you include them in your own money story, it may help your partner share more about their money story as well.
3. What are some of your financial goals?
   Having a common vision to work toward builds unity and teamwork. It motivates you to compromise or make sacrifices for each other’s benefit. Having a singular or a shared goal can also highlight your money strengths and weaknesses. Together, you can improve habits that will sustain your relationship. Give each other a chance to express their needs, desires, and dreams. If you listen, you just might hear some of the same things you deem important on your list as well. Financial goals don’t have to be extravagant or lofty, but when you work together, you can keep the honey in the moon, so to speak, when it comes to your money!
4. What kind of accounts should we set up?
   There are many ways a couple can set up accounts to handle their finances. Some couples like individual accounts, some like joint accounts, and still some like a combination. Having separate accounts can help clarify income differences, debts, and potential spender-versus-saver personality conflicts. With the combination method, all income goes into a joint account for shared expenses, while each partner has a personal account with a set monthly transfer. All savings, debt, and retirement are managed jointly. I tell my clients to do whatever works for you. There is not a one-size-fits-all, but the ultimate goal is to come together as a couple to make sure your financial plan will work for both of you. Working with your honey when it comes to your money can help to keep disagreements to a minimum.
5. Do you think we need some help from a financial professional?
   It’s okay to admit when you and your partner have come to an impasse. Seeking a financial counselor’s help can often help a couple through their most difficult discussions when it comes to money. A good place to start is visiting the website www.afcpe.org. The Association of Financial Planning and Education keeps an active list of Accredited Financial Counselors (AFC) on its site. Southern Bancorp Community Partners also has AFC-certified counselors on staff who can assist you with developing a spending plan, credit rebuilding, learning how to save, or how to reduce your current debt.

It’s not unusual for couples to find themselves having the same argument again and again, especially when it comes to spending and saving. When couples decide to get married, the discussion of how they’ll manage their money together is often an afterthought. Most people don’t find it quite as exciting as the other big talks, but it’s actually one of the most important conversations you’ll have. Learning to love your honey as well as you love your money together can be a challenge, but you can have a match made in heaven if you learn how to work together!

For more information on this and other financial topics, you can email me at Charlestien.Harris@banksouthern.com or call me at 662-624-5776

Until next week — stay financially fit!

Charlestien Harris is our financial contributor, a financial expert with Southern Bancorp Community Partners whose articles are seen in a number of publications around the region.